Aries Food Horoscope 21.3.15

Horrorscopes 04 Aries

21 March sees the end of Pisces and the start of Aries, the Ram.

The Taster provides a frank, occasionally rude, outline of Aries’s relationship with food, cookery, hospitality and digestion. Sorry (see disclaimer below). For specific predictions, subscribe to the mag (still only £6 for four issues) – our current Spring issue reveals this season’s culinary future in no-nonsense terms for Pisces, Aries and Taurus. We hope you enjoy the below insights.

ARIES: THE RAM
Chef rating: 2/10 to 8/10 depending on whether the fire engines arrive in time
Favourite foods: steak tartare

If you are a Ram
Cooking is not something Rams are immediately drawn to, but it is actually an excellent hobby for you, if you can submit to the tedium of prepping and the oppression of having to follow a recipe. Plus, it’s a solitary occupation – great news for your browbeaten family and friends. If you can channel what you think of as your extreme creativity and sensitivity into your cooking, you will make an intelligent chef.

If you know a Ram
For God’s sake keep them well fed and watered. Hunger can transform Rams’ habitual low-grade levels of rattiness to actual psychosis. Think of feeding a bad-tempered child – go for colourful, varied, exciting foodstuffs, such as bright-coloured fruits, juicy rare meat, hot spices and exotica. Rams will try anything if it looks thrilling. Ensure plenty of snacks are available at all times, but nothing dangerous. Unsoaked lentils, kidney beans, yams etc are no-nos – your typical Ram is quite capable of poisoning themselves through not bothering to read the labels. And whatever you do, if a Ram is cooking, don’t offer advice (or, as they see it, interference) – not even when they start loading tin cans into the microwave. In their case, being a fire sign means the kitchen WILL explode at some point; just stay the hell out of it.

Horrorscopes disclaimer

We’ll be building up our tough-talking horrorscope series throughout 2015. Click here for Aquarius and Pisces and come back to us in future for other star signs. Check back on 20 April for a discussion of Taurus in the kitchen.

Aries Food Horoscope

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