Pisces Horoscope 18.2.15

Horrorscopes Pisces

The 19th of February sees the end of Aquarius and the start of Pisces, the Fish.

The Taster provides a frank, occasionally rude, outline of Pisces’s relationship with food, cookery, hospitality and digestion. Sorry (see disclaimer below). For specific predictions, subscribe to the mag (still only £6 for four issues) – our upcoming Spring issue will reveal this spring’s culinary future in no-nonsense terms for Pisces, Aries and Taurus. We hope you enjoy the below insights.

Chef rating: 8/10 (higher if the plates appear to have been washed)
Favourite foods: fish

If you are a Fish
You are a great cook, creative and sociable. You use romantic meals for seduction, and are always willing to host family feasts. You would do well to wash your hands before cooking, however, and wipe down the chopping board after gutting that chicken – cleanliness and hygiene are not your strong points. You may also want to tidy the kitchen up a bit, or make sure none of your guests see it. And for God’s sake, get a timer. You are disorganised, so avoid soufflés or risotto – go for slow-braised dishes that don’t mind being forgotten in the oven for an extra hour or two. Resist other people telling you what to eat. It’s not a crime to dislike walnuts.

If you know a Fish
Fish can bring out the worst in you. But, God, they’re so wet, aren’t they? That’s water signs for you. Floundering around like a damp haddock, constantly running out of vital ingredients or forgetting to put them on the shopping list in the first place. And then bursting into soggy tears. It’s a good job they’re so nice, or you’d be having words. They are the star sign most likely to leave the bloody gas on or accidentally give everyone salmonellosis. Oh, well. Grit your teeth and order more antibacterial cloths; it could be worse. People certainly do keep coming back for more, despite the occasional stomach pump.

Check back on 21 March for a discussion of Aries in the kitchen.

Horrorscopes disclaimer

We’ll be building up our tough-talking horrorscope series throughout 2015. As it’s only the start of the year we only have one more to date: click here for Aquarius and come back to us in future for all the other star signs

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