The 20th of April sees the end of Aries and the start of Taurus, the bull.
The Taster provides a frank, occasionally rude, outline of Taurus’s relationship with food, cookery, hospitality and digestion. Sorry (see disclaimer below). For specific predictions, subscribe to the mag (still only £6 for four issues) – our current Spring issue reveals this season’s culinary future in no-nonsense terms for Pisces, Aries and Taurus. We hope you enjoy the below more general insights.
TAURUS: THE BULL
Chef rating: 6/10
Favourite foods: pies, treble whiskies
If you are a Bull
Well, you certainly love food. You may well be overweight. You present yourself as a gourmet but secretly have no idea what the culinarati are whittering about. At home, you can just about knock up tinned soup or a baked potato. Faced with the average taster menu, you go to pieces because there’s no chips. You can’t envisage fish without batter and even then, it’s fish – eurgh – there might be a vitamin crying to itself in there somewhere, better have a pie instead. Never, ever waste your money on innovative dining experiences – you won’t appreciate them and you’ll ruin the meal for everyone else by droning on about chips. Your spiritual home is Yorkshire and your taste is as boring as its Puddings. Fatty.
If you know a Bull
Although they make a song and dance about food, don’t bother making anything special for a Bull. They will only peer at it suspiciously, poke it with a fork and hate it before they’ve even tried it. Stick to the hog-whimperingly obvious – meat and two veg on schooldays; soup, steak and icecream for a treat. A cheap Chablis or Malbec will make their day – if it doesn’t taste that great, they won’t notice; but they will enjoy bragging about the fine label and relishing the frugality. If they cook for you, be ready to diet the next day.
We’ll be building up our tough-talking horrorscope series throughout 2015. Click here for Aquarius, Pisces or Aries, and come back to us in future for other star signs. Check back on 21 May for a discussion of Gemini in the kitchen.
Taurus Food Horoscope